Saturday, March 26, 2011
i finally wrote in my actuall journal last night, last time i wrote on it was 1-2-11
i cant find nothing to do anymore life is not fun. or i cant find anything to do. you could say im slowly going back into my deppression. i mostly spend my days alone or cant find anything to do. i just want to go out and discover the world. but its all about money and i dont have a job. we are all programed to live life on money or if you dont have the latest technology. if you dont have it then your an outsider. all the commercials on t.v. brainwash you to go out and get the lastest "ipad" or even cars. you cant rielly on technology since they are coming out with the newest thing every month. what happened with trusting one thing you bought and it being new for a while.
when im in the mood to draw or take pictures. its too late. im either tired or have to go to sleep. my mind works in different ways. it feels like i have to stay up for days to get the ball rolling. for many things running through my mind. cant seem to know what to write about.
trying to find a woman is hard in this world. they are too into themselves. what ever happened to women back in the early 1900's(even though i wasnt alive during that time). i try to live my life like a real man. being a gentleman the whole 9 yards. if i could find a girl with the same idealism as me. i would be set and happy for the rest of my life. i know she wouldnt cheat on me like the women now a days. i guess im destined to be alone for the rest of my life. i guess im ok with that. women always go for the "bad boys" but then you hear about them talking about them, that they arent happy and they get treated bad. what about guys like me? the nice guys that like to treat a woman nice.
im going to try to go out more often. i dont have a bike. like a beach cruiser, since my friend got it stolen and rejects to buying me another one. i really did like that bike. then i would carry my camera and take more pics. but now i have to use my car and waste gas that i need to go to school. i want to find a job but its hard to actually go out and look for one. since my last job changed my mind about everything. i would like to work at barnes and nobles book store. i do enjoy reading a lot of books. just to escape this so called world. plus it passes the time. when im waiting for my classes to start. im usually outside having a cig or a pipe while reading a book.
i do like being alone. but there is times i wish to be with my friends or even someone to talk to. i see life in a complete different way. its hard to write what goes on in my head. i think im going crazy